Running Wild

So I know with pregnancy, giving birth, new motherhood, and all of the upheavals a new baby brings, emotions are expected to be all over the place. Somehow, I believed and was confident that I would be immune...this is NOT the case. It actually seems worse than during pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, not all of the mood swings and such are negative. When I hold Liam or watch him sleep, my heart just aches with love and I can't help but laugh for the sheer joy of looking at his sweet plump cheeks. When he 'talks' or smiles and I see his dimples (a gift from his daddy), I feel so happy and humbled that this perfect human being came from me!



There are those cheeks I go crazy over! :)

  

Then there's the other side.

Frustration, sadness, irritation...in an instant, I'm brought to tears over the stupidest little thing. Seriously. Everything seems to lead to crying! I was reading a book late last night (and I've read this particular book several times), and there was a part that I felt the heroine should not have forgiven her husband (at least not so easily). I got so mad that I actually threw the book...well, tossed it aside at least...then I picked it back up and started reading rapidly to get past the part that pissed me off. When the characters did finally make up, I started crying! At first it was because I was still mad but then it continued because I was happy they were back together. This book is FICTION!

When I was pregnant, I got teary a few times when I watched some sad movies and a few other times. But this just makes me feel ridiculous. I giggle and laugh like an idiot one moment and the next I'm crying over a puppy calendar. (Not really, but you get the point.) When will it end!? Will I become that crazy lady who yells at walls, talks to trees, and tells jokes no one understands? Okay that's an overstatement. Still, I'm starting irritate even me...oh my poor husband. I'm glad he's so patient...and that he has the sense not to ask the questions stated above. Smart man. :)

On another subject...this has been both the best (without a doubt the best) and one of the worst years of my life. I think as an adult I am still constantly changing, learning, and of course, still maturing. I still do embarassing things sometimes, say the wrong things, do things I regret, and sometimes I act childishly. But now that I have a child of my own, I have a greater desire to do better every day, not just for Liam...for an example for him, but also for myself. If I'm not the best person I can be, how can I be the best mother?

This post has been kind of heavy, but I want to say that even though parts of this year have really beaten me down, I'm still trying. Trying to move forward, to better myself, to show my love to Liam and Hysen. Most of all, I want to look back at this time and really, all of my life and say I did my best.

A very short little bald man has stolen my heart :)