Holiday Updates

Just some quick updates because it's past midnight.

Liam turned 4 months old earlier this month. 4 months people!! He's now tipping the scales at 15 lbs 9 oz. My big boy! He's been sick this week with a nasty little cold. The nasal aspirator has become his arch-enemy. Hopefully he'll feel better in time for his FIRST Christmas!

Speaking of which...I just want to brag a little. I've been done shopping since last month and the tree/decorations were done on Thanksgiving (it's a tradition). Okay, so I didn't get my Christmas cards in the mail until just a few days ago (and honestly some still haven't gone out), but still I think I've done well this year. We're not going toy crazy with Liam this year and we don't really plan to ever. I grew up playing outside and reading and drawing and making my own fun. So Liam is getting a lot of books, some clothes, and few toys. A variety of books, I might add...Goodnight Moon only lasts for so long, then you want to chuck it out the window. (Actually it seems to be Liam's favorite so far.)

Missing some family this time of year. It's hard sometimes to be the one who lives the farthest away. Missing Noni (grandmother who passed away in February) especially this year.

I'm just going to try to sit back, relax (yeah right), and enjoy the next four days off with Liam and Hysen.

My little love

Hysen and Liam out in the snow last week (wearing shoes!)

Bliss

A tribute to family....I feel so blessed to have the family I do. I have a son who amazes me and fills my heart each and every day. My husband is my best friend and eternal companion. I am such a lucky woman to have these wonderful men in my life.  

Time is speeding up without my permission. I wish it would stop or at least slow down a hair. Liam is approximately 14 lbs and 24 inches (up from 6.5 lbs anf 19 inches at birth). He's 3 months old already people! When the heck did that sneak up on me? It seems like he amazes me everyday with some new skill. He put his hands together for the first time Sunday and now he acts like he's been doing it all along. He rolled onto his side yesterday morning for the first time. Part of me wants to cheer him on and another part of me says, "Wait! Stop and stay little for a while." My Liam is the sweetest little soul in the world to me. I never knew how much I could instantly love someone I had never met before.

Liam reads his favorite book

 We had a pleasant, if uneventful, Thanksgiving vacation. I made a traditional dinner, lumpy mashed taters and all. We put up the Christmas tree and Liam even "helped" a little. I love this time of year...it always makes me reflect on the blessings I have been given...and sometimes it makes me a little sad to be so far away from other family members. But I love to let myself get caught up in the spirit of the season. This year especially, I have so much to be grateful for. For example, right now I'm glad I have two hands because Liam is fast asleep in one arm and I'm using the other to type this one-handed.
I always start the holiday season off by watching Frosty The Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Christmas just doesn't seem complete without them.



Rudolph gets his glow on



Gotta love that abominable snow monster

A Complaint

So here's my complaint of the week:  Health Insurance. I get fairly good insurance from my job, but as of next month there will be yet another premium and maximum out-of-pocket increase. I actually get my insurance for free, but Hysen and Liam are added on also. I have shopped around for different insurance for the two of them, but whenever I find a low premium, the deductible or maximum out-of-pocket is sky high. And whenever I find a low deductible, the premium is outrageous. Or when I find both a low premium and a low deductible, the insurance doesn't carry anyone in the area I live in. What the heck!?

Here's a question:  How is it that I can pay almost $400 a month for insurance with a $10,000 deductible (yes TEN thousand!) when someone I know doesn't have any insurance and has gotten over $100,000 in hospital treatments for FREE? Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I have insurance. It gives me peace of mind that we are protected and can get the help we need. And I'm also glad that there are free programs that can help people who don't have insurance. I once waited 3 days to go the emergency room for a broken finger because I didn't have insurance. I finally went when my finger was twice its normal size. So I know how it feels to be scared because you don't have insurance and you're worried about money. But now I also know how it feels to pay a large premium every month and still have to worry about the doctor's bill.

I am grateful that my job offers health insurance and I know that the rates are actually pretty low compared to other people's. There are many people who have worked hard to ensure that we are offered the lowest possible premiums and such. But isn't there a bigger picture here than just my family? What about the millions of people in the U.S. alone that don't have insurance? Or that have insurance, but still can't afford to pay the bills that aren't covered? I understand that we all try to have financial security, that material things can be a sign of status, and that we all strive for success, but do some professionals in the medical community really need that fourth car? Or that 25,000 sq foot beach house? Or that 50 million trust fund? And what about the insurance companies? Where does all of my money go if not straight to my medical bills? I suppose into someone's pocket.

Okay, I don't want to get into a finger-pointing contest with anyone. There are a lot of great doctors who deserve to be rewarded for their specialties and there are a lot of good people in the insurance industry. But I think that so many people fall through the cracks. We have a system in place in this country, but I don't think it works. Okay, correction:  It works until you get sick.

So, here's my list of things I can do to plan for the future...and to afford stuff:

1. I will never get sick again.
2. Hysen and Liam will never get sick again.
3. I will get a second (or third) job to pay for health insurance (forget about saving for retirement or building a college fund for Liam).
4. I will become a doctor in multiple fields (Pediatrics, Gynecology, Obstetrics, Oncology, etc) so if we do get sick, I can just it treat myself. (Being my own doctor during labor and delivery might get a little tricky, though. Hysen might have to become a doctor, too.)
5. Get a fourth and fifth job to pay for medical school and the counseling I will need due to exhaustion and stress.
6. End up selling our house and possesions to meet our $45,000 deductible (around the year 2025).
7. And finally, move to Canada (or even Cuba) because they have a free health care system. Of course we'll have to walk there (or swim in the case of Cuba) because we sold our car...

This picture doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the post, but Liam is just nice to look at.
Especially when sporting a cute bat outfit.

Unexpected Blessings

Today I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves and watches over my family.

Just a few hours ago, I was driving home from the store with Liam. At the best of times, Liam despises his carseat and this was definitely not the best of times. He was tired, a little hungry, and just plain fussy. (Since I went back to work last Monday, Liam has been increasingly fussy during the day and not sleeping very well at night. I think it's separation anxiety.)

Anyway, he was crying and getting pretty frantic with trying to shove his whole fist in his mouth, but missing and kind of bopping himself in the forehead. It would have been funny if he wasn't crying. He doesn't take a pacifier, so I did the next best thing. I reached back and stuck my finger in his mouth. Now, my arms are not very long so it was a pretty uncomfortable position. It worked for about 4 seconds, then Liam realized nothing to eat came out of the finger and started crying again. I'm not the kind of mom who freaks out if my baby cries a little bit, but he was getting hysterical. So I tried the finger again, not wanting to stop and nurse him when I was, by this time, only 5 minutes from home. Again, it worked for a few seconds. So with my arm going numb and hurting quite a bit, I drove for a few more minutes.

Liam had just started crying again so I rested my arm briefly and then stuck my finger back in his mouth. He cried for a few seconds and then all of a sudden, there was silence. Cue me freaking out. He has a baby proof mirror attached to his carseat so I looked in the rearview mirror to see if something had happened...if he somehow stopped breathing or something...a million things ran through my mind in an instant. What did I see? He was asleep. Totally, completely, sound asleep...after just screaming literally a second before.

I took my finger out of his mouth and finally started paying more attention to the road. I was on a curvy part of the road and it was dark. I put on my brights and immediately applied the brakes because there was a huge buck standing in the middle of my lane. I came to a full stop and the deer slowly walked to the other lane and into the woods. As I rolled the car past the place where the deer had been, I felt a sudden chill and all I could think was, "Thank you!" All this happened not 15 seconds after Liam fell asleep. If he had still been awake...if my arm was still reached back to him and I was distracted, I never would have seen that deer. I am so very thankful that Heavenly Father helped me pay close attention when it mattered most. I can't give words to how grateful I am that He is watching over me and kept Liam and I safe tonight.

I am so thankful for my little Liam.

Adjustment Bureau

Is it alright to dub myself Superwoman or is that a title that needs to be given by someone else? Today marks the end of my first week back at work. No tears, no breakdowns, no major mishaps...all in all a pretty smooth transition. Well actually, it seemed more like an abrupt jolt, but still a success. Liam was such a good boy every day. Yes it was heart wrenching to kiss his little cheeks goodbye every morning, but it was so incredibly wonderful to see him smile when he saw me when I walked in the door every afternoon. He knows his momma! I think it really helps me that we co-sleep with him. Sometimes sharing a bed with a baby is not very sleep inducing, but I love getting snuggle time with him at night. I missed him all day but I resisted the urge to call and check on him every five minutes. I want to pat myself on the back. And I'm so proud of Liam, too! What a good little man!

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with everything on my plate now, but I hope with time that will ease a bit. It's difficult to just jump right back into everything at my job and feel totally competent. Hopefully no one notices when I get that 'dazed and confused' look!

Looking forward to the next 48 hours of uninterrupted Liam and Mommy time!

Back to the Daily Grind

So it's back to work for me tomorrow...I have a whole plethora of mixed feelings. I work for the local community services board at a day program for adults with intellectual disabilities called the Magnolia Center. It's really great and we usually have a lot of fun. (Where else can you go to the park, put on plays, dress up for Halloween, play volleyball, and just have a great time?!) Oh and I forgot to mention the food...for some reason we're always eating something yummy. It's almost like it's a requirement that you have to gain weight in order to work there. Anyway, so I like my job...but I absolutely adore staying at home with my son! The past two and half months have been some of the best of my life. Getting to know Liam, waking up to the sounds of him cooing next to me, rocking him to sleep, and just watching him grow and experience the world around him renders me speechless. From the moment he was born, I haven't been away from him for more than a couple of hours at a time and starting tomorrow I'll be apart from him 8 hours a day! I'm sure every mother goes through this and I'm confident that both he and I will be fine after a period of adjustment. It's just that I will miss him so dearly every moment right up until I walk through the front door when I get home.

Maybe I'll move to Switzerland or Sweden or wherever that guy in the news was from....he got a year and half of PAID paternity leave. A year and a half!!! And he's not even the mother! Sometimes America really bites.

Well, anyway we'll see how tomorrow goes. Also to make things even more interesting, I'm going to use a pump at work so Liam can still benefit from breastmilk even if I can't be there to nurse him. I hope I don't drive my co-workers and my husband crazy with calls and worrying all day long. I'm sure everything will be fine. Here I am worried about Liam, but wouldn't it be funny if he didn't even notice I'm gone? :)

Maybe if I win the lottery I can stay home.

Who can resist this bundle of sweetness?

Beautiful baby boy!

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I LOVE autumn! It's my favorite season! The colors, the cool crisp air, the frost, wearing sweaters and hats, drinking hot chocolate...all of it! In honor of this most beautiful and fabulous season (and really the only one worth mentioning at all when discussing seasons), I would like to give a shout out to some of my favorite things:

Chocolate

Clothes fresh from the dryer

A good book (so many out there!)

Music (Bob Marley, Celtic, Jazz, Norah Jones, I could go on and on)

My Family

Liam and Hysen (They get their own category!)

Scarves

America's Funniest Home Videos (I seriously die laughing)

Getting a massage

Taking a nap with Liam

Taking a leisurely drive (With gas prices this hasn't happened in a while)

Learning more about the gospel

The smell of a home cooked meal (especially if someone else cooked it!)

Zombie Movies!!!!

HOT showers

Yoga (love my new mat Jess, thanks!)

CSI and Grey's Anatomy (Because other people's drama is so much more interesting)

Hot Chocolate

Journal Writing (when I have time)

I could go on and on and on....there are so many things I love and so many things I have to be grateful for. I love that I can get up and choose to enjoy each day, no matter what that day brings. I am so very thankful for the things that I have been blessed with, especially my husband and my son. Sometimes my heart feels full to bursting and at those times and always, it is especially important to give thanks. I am grateful for the life I love to live!

A forever family

My sweet boys

Running Wild

So I know with pregnancy, giving birth, new motherhood, and all of the upheavals a new baby brings, emotions are expected to be all over the place. Somehow, I believed and was confident that I would be immune...this is NOT the case. It actually seems worse than during pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, not all of the mood swings and such are negative. When I hold Liam or watch him sleep, my heart just aches with love and I can't help but laugh for the sheer joy of looking at his sweet plump cheeks. When he 'talks' or smiles and I see his dimples (a gift from his daddy), I feel so happy and humbled that this perfect human being came from me!



There are those cheeks I go crazy over! :)

  

Then there's the other side.

Frustration, sadness, irritation...in an instant, I'm brought to tears over the stupidest little thing. Seriously. Everything seems to lead to crying! I was reading a book late last night (and I've read this particular book several times), and there was a part that I felt the heroine should not have forgiven her husband (at least not so easily). I got so mad that I actually threw the book...well, tossed it aside at least...then I picked it back up and started reading rapidly to get past the part that pissed me off. When the characters did finally make up, I started crying! At first it was because I was still mad but then it continued because I was happy they were back together. This book is FICTION!

When I was pregnant, I got teary a few times when I watched some sad movies and a few other times. But this just makes me feel ridiculous. I giggle and laugh like an idiot one moment and the next I'm crying over a puppy calendar. (Not really, but you get the point.) When will it end!? Will I become that crazy lady who yells at walls, talks to trees, and tells jokes no one understands? Okay that's an overstatement. Still, I'm starting irritate even me...oh my poor husband. I'm glad he's so patient...and that he has the sense not to ask the questions stated above. Smart man. :)

On another subject...this has been both the best (without a doubt the best) and one of the worst years of my life. I think as an adult I am still constantly changing, learning, and of course, still maturing. I still do embarassing things sometimes, say the wrong things, do things I regret, and sometimes I act childishly. But now that I have a child of my own, I have a greater desire to do better every day, not just for Liam...for an example for him, but also for myself. If I'm not the best person I can be, how can I be the best mother?

This post has been kind of heavy, but I want to say that even though parts of this year have really beaten me down, I'm still trying. Trying to move forward, to better myself, to show my love to Liam and Hysen. Most of all, I want to look back at this time and really, all of my life and say I did my best.

A very short little bald man has stolen my heart :)



A day with the boys...and other stuff

Yesterday was just plain wonderful. Hysen, Liam, and I slept in until 9 (it's such a fabulous feeling to snuggle with a newborn baby) and then we headed out to the Stake Center to watch a session of General Conference (for our church, http://www.lds.org/ ). Liam was such a good boy all day! He's smiling more and more and he loves to talk! Of course, he only speaks whale right now, but we're working on that. Here's a video of Liam on his changing table talking up a storm (and laughing a little) that Hysen shot today:

After watching part of the second session of Conference, we headed out to our friend Derek's house to do a photo shoot with him, his girlfriend Jamie, and her three kids Madison, Mackenzie, and Matthew. We took some great pictures and had a good time. However, it was all a guise so Derek could propose to Jamie at the end! (She said yes.) It felt great to be a part of such a unique experience.

Liam has developed quite a talent for startling himself...particularly when he's almost asleep. It all started a couple of weeks ago when he sneezed while I was feeding him. His eyes flew open and he stared at me for  a split second...then the shrieking began. Since then, he frequently startles himself with hiccups, burps, or the worst - heartwrenching crying in his sleep. (Seriously, he's still asleep while he emits random crying sounds. So pitiful and sad to hear.) The startling isn't improved when Hysen accidentally slams the door at the precise moment Liam falls asleep after I rock him for 45 minutes (true story).

I've been trying to find time to do a little yoga each day. Sometimes I don't even have the chance to get out my mat before I hear Liam wake up from a nap, but when I do get to stretch and do some poses, it really feels great. Ever since Liam was born, I've had really painful backaches every day and sometimes the yoga helps to stretch it out. I have to admit though, I do really easy poses. I actually still use the prenatal yoga video that I used during my pregnancy.

Another note on yoga and pregnancy...if there are any women out there close to their due dates and want to speed up the process, yoga is the way to go. A few hours before I went into labor, I took a walk with Hysen, my sister Jessica, and my neice Ella. We walked a mile or so in 95 degree weather and I was one day past my due date. Then Jess and I did an hour of prenatal yoga. A few hours later, I was in labor! Thinking about it now, I can't believe how active I was right up until I had Liam...even though I didn't feel like I was doing a whole lot. I worked the week before he was born (I took half a day on Thursday and all of Friday off because one of my sisters came to visit...Liam was born the following Monday). I hope to be as healthy and active during my next pregnancy.

This post has been all over the place! That's what I get for posting to my blog before writing in my journal...I want to talk about everything and can't stay on one subject. Sorry! :) I just want to share how wonderful life has been lately!

New to blogging...

So I'm new to blogging...or at least having my very own blog. My husband, Hysen and I have a blog for our photography business, http://blog.justophotography.com/, but this will be all mine. And FYI - Justo is pronounced "hoo-stow". It's a pet peeve.

Ahhh motherhood. I've only been a mom for almost 7 weeks, but already it feels like Liam has always been a part of my life. Each day isn't easy but nothing gives me greater joy than seeing him smile or feeling his weight on my chest as he sleeps. I can't believe this little human being started as a tiny peanut in me! It's so hard to fathom that one day he will walk, talk, get married, and have kids of his own! (When he's 40 or so.)

Liam laughed for the first time a few days ago...what a sweet sound. Then he projectile spit up onto the wall. What a little miracle he is.

Liam around a week old

Sweetness

A view of Liam on the inside...33 weeks gestation